I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy.

My neighbor said to me, "I ask myself about domestic violence and domestic abuse. For example, I'm not sure if my relationship is healthy. How can I recognize unhealthy behavior in a relationship? Can you please answer these questions for me?

Absolutely, and thank you for being someone your neighbor feels safe enough to speak to. That’s incredibly important. Let’s go through these questions one by one with care and clarity.

Happily Married Couple

1. “I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy.”

This is such a powerful and important question. It’s often the first step toward understanding what’s really going on. What underpins a healthy relationship?

• Respect: Both people value each other’s feelings, boundaries, and choices.

• Trust: You don’t feel the need to constantly prove your honesty.

• Open Communication: You can talk honestly and feel heard, even when you disagree.

• Support: Your partner lifts you up emotionally, not tears you down.

• Independence: You are free to have your own beliefs, friendships, hobbies, and personal space.

If your neighbor feels consistently anxious, belittled, afraid, or emotionally drained, it may be a sign that something’s wrong.

2. “How to recognize unhealthy behavior in a relationship?”

Unhealthy behavior can sometimes creep in gradually, but there are definite signs to watch for:

Emotional Abuse:

• Constant criticism, name-calling, or mocking

• Gaslighting (making you question your memory or sanity)

• Blaming you for everything

• Jealousy that turns controlling (e.g., who you see, what you wear)

Psychological Abuse:

• Intimidation or threats

• Isolation from friends or family

• Monitoring your movements or communication

• Making you feel like you’re “crazy” or overly sensitive

Physical Abuse:

• Any form of hitting, slapping, pushing, or physically restraining

• Damaging your belongings in anger

• Blocking your way so you can’t leave

Sexual Abuse:

• Coercing or forcing sexual activity

• Ignoring your right to say “no”

Financial Abuse:

• Controlling how you spend money

• Taking your earnings

• Preventing you from working

Encouragement and Next Steps:

You can gently suggest to your neighbor that asking these questions is a brave and healthy sign—it shows a desire for safety and well-being. If anything feels off, it probably is. They don't have to go through it alone. There are people who care and want to help, including you.

If they’re open to it, suggest keeping a journal of incidents, talking to a trusted friend, or speaking with a support organization for advice—even anonymously. Sometimes just having someone confirm, "Yes, what you’re feeling is real and valid," can be a giant relief.

🌿 A Gentle Message for You 🌿

Hi love,

You mentioned wondering whether your relationship is healthy, and I just wanted to say how brave and important that question is. It means you care about your well-being — and that matters so much.

It can be difficult to recognize unhealthy behavior, especially when emotions and history are involved, but here’s a gentle checklist you might find helpful. We ask for honesty, care, and clarity without passing judgment.

💔 Warning Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Ask yourself:

• Do I often feel anxious, scared, or unsure around my partner?

• Am I treading carefully to avoid conflict?

• Does my partner insult, criticize, or put me down — even as a "joke"?

• Does my partner control who I see, what I wear, or where I go?

• Have I been isolated from family or friends?

• Has my partner ever physically hurt or threatened me?

• Does my partner blame me for their behavior or make me feel guilty for speaking up?

• Do I feel like I’m losing myself — my confidence, joy, or independence?

💗 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

In a healthy relationship, you should feel,

• Respected and valued

• Safe — emotionally, physically, and mentally

• Free to speak your mind and set boundaries

• Supported in your personal growth, friendships, and interests

• Loved without fear, manipulation, or conditions

You are not overreacting. You are not delusional. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to feel safe and cherished— always.

If you ever need help finding support or just someone to listen, you don’t have to do that alone either.

Take your time. Trust your gut. You are stronger than you know. 💛